Loose Ends

I was on vacation and it has come to a close....it didn't go as I envisioned, but nothing ever does. All in all, I'm glad I got to see my mom and it was nice to have the time off but it's time to get back to work. And not just in the conventional "job" sense...I really need to work on myself. I find that lately, more times than not, I'm not happy. I need to remedy this, but, the question remains, how? How do I tie up all the loose ends that are bothering me and get myself on the path to happiness? I guess that deep down I know the answer to this but don't want to face it because the answer is...change. It's much easier to accept the rut that your life has become and continue in that way because it's routine, but, for me, easier isn't better because it has led me to become sedentary, fat, unhealthy, lazy, sluggish, and, drum role please.....miserable. It's funny, because basically all I want is to live a full, active, fun, life. You would think that it would be simple to do, especially in New Orleans, but it seems to elude me. I have to actively change some things in order to make this happen. The first thing will be that I will no longer allow another person to dictate my happiness. It is my own and my responsibility. Anyone who is in a relationship can relate to this, and they also know that no matter what you do, you cannot make another person change. You can only control your own actions, reactions, thoughts, attitude, etc.. So, that's my new "job", to work on me and how I react to others and my environment. And if I remain unhappy, I must move on and try something new because the old just isn't going to work. It's been done to death. I'm going to start filling my time doing the things that I love...writing more, listening to music, reading, learning. And I'd LOVE to be able to say I make a living doing something I love. We went to a show at the House of Blues on Christmas night, it was Trombone Shorty with a chick named Mia Borders opening. Sometimes the opening act gets ignored as people filter in just in time for the main event but, I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised by this one. As I watched this cute, tiny, girl up on the stage singing with her guitar I could only think that she looked like she was having a blast! And why, oh why didn't I ever pursue my dream of being a rock star?? Another lesson for all of us, never give up on what you want because it seems unrealistic. Your life is what you make it and little miracles happen every day. I know that I can't just accept the dull routine. Shake things up. Work at it. Change.....embrace it.

Holiday Cheer

I am optimistic about this Holiday Season. Funny, since I haven't had a Christmas tree in 12 years. The tree just seemed like so much of an effort when no one else was going to see it, so I just said forget it. This year my mom and her best friend will be visiting for Christmas and we are in a new place, maybe that's what's putting me in the holiday spirit. I'm planning on making cookies and Christmas dinner, hanging lights and buying gifts. I've pulled out my Christmas cds and ordered my favorite Christmas movies from Amazon (which I plan to watch while eating the aforementiond cookies and drinking hot chocolate). I also made a Christmas Eve dinner reservation at the swanky Rib Room for all of us. And I have to say....I'm excited about all of it. I absolutely love buying gifts for people and I've always loved the holiday atmosphere but the holidays are not any fun when you are feeling lonely and I think that's what turned me off of the them. When I moved to New Orleans 8 years ago, I moved away from my family and long-time friends. It's definitely hard to make new lasting friendships when you are in your 30s and, I have to say, with one or two exceptions, I have not made friends here that measure up to my life-long friends. This is surely my fault, as I have a tendency to be a bit of a loner. I'd love to be more comfortable with myself socially, but as you get older you get more comfortable in your "ways". Other times, it's just that I'm too lazy to make the effort to be social. Which is a shame because life is meant to be lived and I happen to be fortunate enough to live in one of the most vibrant, exuberant cities ever. A city where age is just a number and EVERYONE is welcome to join the party. So, this season I will make an effort to shake off my normal holiday funk and raise a glass (or two) to participating in the party that is life in NOLA.

Healthy Fascination

I am truly fascinated by people who choose fruit over a piece of cake for dessert. I sit in the cafeteria at my place of employment and watch this occur over and over again and can only gaze in wonderment before taking my next bite of cake. One time as I entered the cafeteria there was a large group of people jostling each other to get to the refrigerated dessert case, I thought, "There must be something especially scrumptious in there!" When the crowd dissipated I found an empty tray that once contained.......watermelon. Again, fascinating. How do I become one of these people? And not only when it comes to dessert. I long to make better food choices all around. And, while I hold enough knowledge about food, exercise, and weight loss to be a nutritionist, I continue to make choices that I know are harmful to me. Why is this? If I have a choice between pasta with marinara or pasta with a cream sauce, you can guess what I would pick. Same goes for the choice between grilled chicken breast or a nicely marbled grilled rib eye. No contest. Why am I like this and other people are not? Is it a matter of discipline? Genetics? Whatever it is, I'd like to remedy the situation because my diet (not to mention my lack of exercise) is killing me slowly. The solution seems so simple.....just make better choices....eat less, move more....but somehow it isn't. Or maybe it is, and I'm just weak. I'm not sure. But I can't let it consume me. I'll take each day that is handed to me and make the most of it, perfect or not, and maybe, as I go along, I will genuinely want that piece of watermelon instead of a mediocre piece of cake.

A New Orleans Scene (From Some Time Ago)

It was dark when we turned on to the street listed in the "apartment for rent" ad. My roommate Mike and I had been pondering a move closer to the French Quarter and, while we looked for the address, noticed how quiet the Faubourg Marigny neighborhood seemed. A rarity in New Orleans. As we approached the place, the stillness was disrupted by a door banging open across the street, followed by voices. We turned to see three figures emerge from the lighted doorway....first, an average looking guy; second, a woman in a lavendar bathrobe and head wrap; and the third was what looked to be a goat. Their conversation stopped when they saw us and they shouted a cheerful greeting our way. We crossed the road to meet them and, upon closer inspection, realized that the person in the bathrobe was not a woman but an aging drag queen. We talked about the apartment and neighborhood while the animal quietly milled around, sniffing at us and the ground. Mike finally asked, "Is that a goat?" The answer that came was, "She's my special dog." It turns out that the drag queen had been employed by the racetrack, where they use goats to calm the horses. For some reason, they were going to have this goat "put down" so, after work, she snuck the goat to her car and brought her home. The neighborhood is not zoned for goats, of course, so she is known as a "special" dog. We continued our conversation while making friends with the "special" dog, but it was getting late so we thanked them for their help and made our way home.

We ended up not moving at that time, but how can you not love a city where there's always the possibility of having an animal loving drag queen with a goat for neighbors?

My Shrinking Universe

I've heard of people born in New York City who never leave. Not once in all of their lives. Not even for vacation. They feel that anything worth seeing, doing, or having can be found right where they are. In some cases I'm sure that neurosis is part of the equation but, on the bright side, they never require a ride to or from the airport and they certainly don't need a driver's license or a car. I'm becoming one of those people.

When I moved to New Orleans 8 years ago, it was into an apartment in an area called Mid City. Close enough to the French Quarter but not quite there. I loved the neighborhood and the oak covered street. Had a great apartment and landlady. During the first year I had a car, but after finishing massage school sold it because I couldn't justify the expense when there were other modes of transportation available to me. I bought myself a bike and also travelled by bus. Public transportation was new to me, everyone owned a car where I came from, but the bus was definitely interesting and a great place to people-watch and listen. I stayed in Mid City for about six and a half years and then moved to Treme'. Closer to the French Quarter, but still not quite there. Now, I live in the French Quarter. I am there.

My radius of travel has dwindled considerably. Years ago I had a friend who lived in the Quarter and I used to marvel at the fact that he would hardly ever leave. His job was a half block from his apartment and the only other places that he visited were the A&P on the next block for groceries, the Walgreens, and his neighborhood bar which was also about a block away. I get that now. My job is only blocks from my door and pretty much everything I need is here (groceries, coffee shops, movie theater, booze, music). I also like to go to the Marigny to hear music or have dinner on Frenchmen St. but other than that I don't have much reason to leave my little world. I try to visit my family in NJ once a year but after a day or so into the trip I get antsy and want to be back in New Orleans. I don't know what it is about this city that captivates me but I'm definitely home.

I'm going to make an effort to visit other parts of the city and experience new things so that I don't start to feel stagnant and develop phobias about stepping outside of the borders of the Quarter. (Uptown already seems like a foreign country to me.) To that end, this past Friday evening we crossed Canal St. and went over to Dino's Bar & Grill to hear Margie Perez sing. She sounded great and it wasn't a bad little bar. Their waffle fries were awesome and I had a "Philly" cheesesteak that wasn't. I should have followed my instincts and ordered something else. On Saturday when I went out to run my errands I decided to change it up and go to a different coffee shop and went to Croissant D'Or. Years ago they used to make these delicious little pumpkin tarts at this time of year. I was so hoping to have one of those. Nope. And the things I had weren't so great. Very disappointed but I do love charm of the place and will always go back. After my less than stellar coffee I rode over to the Louisiana Music Factory and bought myself a cd, The Baby Dodds Trio (featuring Danny Barker). Good stuff.

I'll be continuing this "try something new" trend tomorrw night when we go to see and old favorite of mine, The New Orleans Nightcrawlers at a club I've never visited. I'm excited and a full report will follow.

On Spirituality (Or My Lack Thereof)

There are a lot of things in my life for which I'd like to repent. But, other than myself, I haven't figured out who to repent to.

I am lacking spiritually.

I've never been baptised and wasn't raised in a churchgoing environment. Although, I did go to Sunday School for a period of time as a kid at our local Episcopal church but that was more about my friends going than about God. (I also wanted to join a Brownie troop because my friends did. I just NEEDED to know what they were doing in that "club"! I didn't get in.) As an adult I have mixed feelings about organized religion. I don't care for the dogma and superiority associated with some religions and I have trouble believing that the bible is anything other than a story. But I do love the idea of believing in something that gives you hope and faith, and just plain helps you get through. And I respect people's choice to worship as they please. I've been toying for months with the idea of finding a church to try out but something always talks me out of it. Whether it be scorn for the zealots I've encountered or just not liking the thought of waking up early on Sunday mornings, something has kept me from taking that step. I mentioned repenting for my wrongdoings and I can see why people would be attracted to the confession/clean slate thing, but I can't say that I believe in that. It seems very convenient though. I haven't always been the best friend or made the best choices in my personal relationships, or the best choices for my health and well-being, and sometimes the ego can get in the way and sabotage your happiness. But I do believe that you can redeem yourself by being the best possible person you can be during the days you have left on earth. If God, church, Allah, Buddha or your deity of choice help you do that, then so be it. I still may get around to choosing a church to check out, I even have one in mind, but in the meantime I'll just follow the simple principle of treating myself and all living beings with love and respect.

I think that's a good start.

Falling Into Place

After a difficult couple of weeks things seem to be progressing nicely. I have unpacked a bit each day and tonight, finally, emptied my last box. Still have some organizing to do and pictures to hang but it's starting to feel like a home. Aside from the unpacking and organizing there have been some other adjustments to be made (having to do with the overabundance of alcohol available right outside our gate.) but we seem to have gotten past them. Thankfully.

 I am incredibly thankful to have our kitchen up and running!!! I am so sick of eating crappy take-out food. Now, don't get me wrong, I like junk as much as the next person and I'm not normally a very healthy eater (I'm working on that.) but I've been eating so much crap that I'm finding myself craving vegetables and wanting to go buy some new sneakers and work out clothing. (Oh, and a new iPod since mine was STOLEN! Man, it's hard to let go of that resentment!!) My body and mind are protesting my greasy fat intake and telling me to eat better and get off my ass and move. And I'll admit, the health implications of a bad diet really do scare me. But not enough, it seems, to prevent me from eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Frequently. Idon't know....sometimes it seems that losing weight is an endless battle. But if I'm honest with myself, I haven't tried very hard. Because the formula is very simple....eat less, move more. And I haven't been successful because I like to eat creamy, cheesy, fatty, sugary foods and I'm lazy. Here's where I'm supposed to say that tomorrow I'm going to change things completely. But if it were that simple I would have done it long ago. I will only say that I will make a new effort and strive for the best.

I haven't gone out much at all. I'm one of those people who can't really concentrate on a good time if I have something to do waiting for me at home. Unpacking, for example. But last Saturday it was such a beautiful day I went out to run some errands. As I was riding through the Quarter I passed Tujague's, one of the older bars/restaurants in New Orleans. During French Quarter Festival (in April) they have a booth where they serve a fabulous beef brisket with horseradish sauce, and I had heard for years that they serve a brisket po' boy at their bar. It was lunch time and I decided to give it a try. Tujague's is really "old school",a standing bar but they do have a few tables. Unfortunately, they don't serve food until 5. I did stay for a few cocktails and bar tender Paul was awesome. Will definitely meander back one afternoon.

On that note, I'm gonna wrap this up. Boyfriend has my healthier dinner cooking in that kitchen.

New Beginnings

A lot has happened since my last post, most of it stressful, some of it great. After perusing Craig's List diligently I found that most of the better apartments available in the neighborhoods that we wanted were of the 2 bedroom variety. And as luck would have it, I knew a close friend of my family who wanted to move here and thought this opportunity might nudge him in that direction. I was right and once we got the ball rolling it moved very quickly. So, we now have a roommate and are residents of the French Quarter. It was a lot of work but it feels pretty damn good. I'm loving the new apartment. It's behind a locked gate, we have a balcony, a courtyard, a bar right across the street, AND it only takes me 3 minutes to ride my bike to work. Couldn't ask for nuthin' better! Anyhoo, I'm glad the worst is over and I can't wait to get everything unpacked and organized.

During this whole mess I did manage to get out and about a bit. My mom, her best friend, and her best friend's son (who is our new roommate) came down for a visit. We ate out quite a bit and did get out to hear some music. When they arrived we went to Gordon Biersch for lunch (I know it's a chain but I love the garlic fries) then made our way to my boyfriend's workplace, The Gazebo, and let the drinking commence. It was a beautiful day, Ellen Smith was singing, and the booze was flowing. Later in the evening we headed to Frenchmen St. and ended up at Cafe Negril for more drinking & festivities. At around 2am I figured that, maybe, we should consider the fact that we had an appointment at 8am to view an apartment. As hungover as we were we did get up for that appointment and the guy didn't show. Ultimately, this is the apartment we ended up with after rescheduling our appointment. A few other places that are worth mentioning....The Magnolia Grill on Decatur - really tasty burger and a nice space. Adolfo's (my favorite) on Frenchmen - chicken stuffed w/ricotta, mozzerella, & spinach, topped w/ tomato cream sauce. Oh. my. God. Heaven on a plate. Jaeger Haus - jaeger schnitzel (fried pork topped w/mushroom cream sauce) & spaetzel. Awesome.

So, that's been the past month. Found an apartment, moved, had some good meals, and heard some music. I'm happy with the progress and glad to say good-bye to September 2010 while looking forward to what October brings.

The Best Laid Plans........

My last post was intended to be the start of my devoting more time to this blog and my getting out and about around the city more often. But, as the above title implies, things don't always go as planned. My exciting Decadence weekend was derailed before it even started when I came home from work on that Friday night to find my back door kicked in. At first, I thought that nothing was missing, but after the dust settled figured out that my jewelry box and my iPod were gone. There were no jewels in my jewelry box (but the box itself was meaningful to me) and my iPod hardly holds a charge anymore so, really, not a big deal. No one was hurt (well, I hope he was) and they didn't kill the dog. But I can't get past the fact that someone actually kicked my door to pieces to get into my living space. It was a punch in the gut and a violation. Theft is not anything new in New Orleans....thieves here will steal anything that isn't nailed or locked down. I've had my car stolen, caught people twice trying to steal my bike, had my laptop stolen right from my hands while sitting on my front porch, and this is beautiful...my bike tire stolen from my bike 3 days after the door was kicked in.The list goes on. But I've never had someone come into my house uninvited and it bothers me to no end. So, I've spent the last week scouring Craig's List looking for a suitable apartment for us to move in to. Some people may say I'm letting the thieves get the best of me and that we should stay where we are and defiantly take a stand against the criminals....but I'm tired. And I can't afford to keep replacing the stuff that these people keep taking from me. Hopefully, we'll find something soon and we can move on to something better.

Bring on the Rhinestones & Sequins!

So, we're into September now and I can't help but feeling that good things are ahead for us here in New Orleans. The hole in the Gulf is finally plugged (ok, the clean up from that will still be going on 20 years from now) and the new Saints season starts next week amid much national fanfare. Two things for us to be excited about, for sure. And, this weekend is Southern Decadence......a celebration of everything gay....in and around the French Quarter. Decadence is colorful, campy, wild, nasty, raunchy, and, best of all, SEQUINED. With a continuous soundtrack of thumping club music. At times it can be a bit much but you still don't want to miss it....just be prepared for the possibility of......ANYTHING. Decadence is big on costumes but remember that some people may consider a costume to be a leather thong with a pair of heels. Also remember that that person may be a hairy 300lb man. The festivities will be going on all weekend and the big parade starts at The Golden Lantern on Royal St. at 2pm on Sunday. I will definitely be out there taking in the sights.....see you at Bourbon & St. Ann!

There's No Place Like Home

I'm back in New Orleans after a week in New Jersey and it feels good to be home. Not to say that I didn't have a good time seeing family and friends, but every time I leave the city I start to get antsy after a few days and want to come home. It was my boyfriend's first trip to the northeast and overall it was a good experience. We went to Philly, NYC, the Jersey Shore, and ate lots of pizza and other tasty things in good company. But I did experience one "cold water in the face" moment........in my mother's bathroom there was a scale and I couldn't resist the siren's call. Now, let me say, at this point, that I haven't weighed myself in a year and was living blissfully in that ignorance. Don't get me wrong, I was aware that I'm fat and had even been feeling like I've gained but, somehow, someway, not knowing that exact number allows you to live in the haze of denial. So, I stepped on the scale and waited for that digital number to appear. That number? Not good. In fact, it took my breath away. That number and worries about money kinda took the wind out of my sails on this trip. But, on both accounts, you just get back on the horse. Life goes on and the world isn't going to stop if I gain 5 pounds or I'm late on a credit card payment for the first time in my life. Plus....my boyfriend weighed himself on that scale, and when he did it again the next day it said he'd gained 10 pounds. See...I knew that scale had to be wrong. There's always hope.

Not A Bad Way to Spend a Few Hours

This evening I attended the premiere of Spike Lee's "If God is Willing and Da Creek Don't Rise" at the Mahalia Jackson Theater. "Creek" is Lee's sequal to the award winning "When the Levees Broke" and depicts where New Orleans is 5 years after Hurricane Katrina. Again, he did a beautiful job. The film was provocative, as expected, and didn't shy away from any of the political or social issues that hang over New Orleans like a permanent black cloud. I liked that Mayor Landrieu was in the audience watching and hope that he actually heard what people had to say. On a lighter note, I do have to point out....how much the Saints mean to the people of this city. The film opened with a segment on the Saints, including the key plays of our Super Bowl win, and the audience just went wild! It was like watching it for the first time - joyful and exuberant! The event was free, including a bar and appetizers, and there were a lot of familiar faces in the crowd (New Orleans is like a small town) including famous ones. Which brings me to another thing I love about New Orleans.....we treat celebrities with such indifference. Probably one of the things they love about it too.So, not a bad evening. Would have liked to go out for a bit afterward but I have to be at the spa at 8am for a meeting. Morning is not my favorite time of day. BUT I only have two days at work this week with my NJ vacation looming ahead.

Oh, and after all of my agonizing, quitting the retail job wasn't bad at all. Made the call on Saturday, Sunday was my last day. Simple as that...drama free.

Unnecessary Aggravation

This week has been chaotic. Stressing myself over relationship stuff and work stuff. Relationship stuff seems to be resolved but the work stuff, not quite. I'm a licensed massage therapist working at Spa Aria in the Monteleone Hotel in the Quarter. Love my job but it was starting to take its toll on my body....constant aches and pains. So, I decided to give up a day at the spa and look for a part time job. Found one pretty quickly at a clothing shop in the Quarter. I liked it at first, was having a good time with it, but I'm finding that I'm just not making enough money there. Plus.....I HATE working Sundays. Especially during football season. Of course, that is the day they want me to work. There are other issues with the job that make it a bad match for me but those are the main two. So, for the past few nights, I haven't been able to sleep because I'm trying to figure out what and when I'm going to tell the shop owner. The truth would be best, I know, and I definitely want to do it before we go on vacation next Friday so I don't have to think about it anymore. But it's still awkward. In my mind I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing, I'm only working there one day a week, for God's sake, but I tend to obsess over this type of thing. I just want it overwith. Anyway, with my self-imposed anxieties and a week long, money draining vacation ahead of me, I haven't been very social. Going to try to get out this evening for Dirty Linen Night on Royal Street but I have so much to get done before we leave next week. I suppose I'll just see what happens and where the day takes me.

Progress, However Small

I've been slightly successful in meeting my new goal of getting out more, but there's definitely room for improvement. On Wednesday, after spending hours creating this blog, I was not in a social mood. (To say I'm lacking computer skills is an understatement.) On Thursday I was too tired to go out after work....my usual exscuse. Friday was my day....the kickoff of Satchmo Summerfest. I colored my hair, put on a cute outfit and headed over to Port of Call for a late lunch and an early start on the evening's festivities and libations. Had a big fat mushroom cheeseburger and a monsoon (their house drink) to get things started. Port of Call is a busy place with a great mix of locals and tourists who come in for burgers and stiff drinks. Some people eat & leave. Some people, like me, linger over drinks and people watch. The bartenders can be a bit surly and they put up with ZERO crap from people. (I, again, had the pleasure of watching the person two seats away get thrown out.) But they keep things running smoothly, so the place is tolerable even with the crowds. And it's also one of those places where I can't resist having an alcoholic beverage. I have a love/hate relationship with booze. I love everything about bars...the smells, the social aspect, the sounds...there's a certain camaraderie that goes with the territory. To me, there's nothing better than a dark, neighborhood dive bar with a jukebox and an afternoon stretching ahead of you. (I prefer afternoon drinking.) What I hate is not knowing when to say when, making an ass out of myself, and feeling like ass the next day. Anyhoo....Friday was a drinking day. At around 6 I headed over to dba on Frenchmen Street to see the Carl LeBlanc Band featuring "Big Fine" Ellen Smith and meet up with my boyfriend.. It's been years since I've heard Ellen sing and she still sounds and looks great. I don't think she gets enough recognition. And I LOVE that she calls herself Big Fine Ellen....that confidence! I would be mortified if anyone called me "big" anything. I very much prefer denial. After their show and more cocktails we just hung on Frenchmen with the local characters listening to Rebirth Brass Band throw it down on the street. Then.....the rain came. It poured. And like a drunken idiot I wanted to dance in it. Nice thought, but after soaking myself I found that my freshly dyed hair ran onto my clothing. Not only did I look like a fool, my clothes were ruined. Decided it was time to pack it  in and was in bed by 11. Saturday was quiet. Sunday I went out to the Satchmo Fest and got a po' boy and checked out the Baby Boyz Brass Band. Those young boys were gettin' it!!! I had to marvel at how the crowds of people were ignoring the oppressive heat. I, however, could not. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a Law&Order: SVU marathon on and I'm missing it.

Just What the World Needs.....Another Blog

So, here it is, my first blog entry. I turned 40 recently and although I'm not one of those people who thinks this makes me old, the situation did make me assess where I am in life at this point. This is what I came up with...I am overweight, in debt, lacking spiritually, occasionally depressed, an emotional wreck (at times), lazy, mentally unstimulated, unhealthy, in a relationship that has it's ups and downs (like every relationship), constantly wasting time, restless, and in a general funk/rut....whatever you want to call it. The good things being that I'm still breathing and I live in New Orleans. Oh, and the aforementioned relationship. I felt that maybe this imbalance between good and bad/mediorce should be addressed and remedied. Hence, my new blog. I'm using this blog as my inspiration and motivation to get my ass off of the couch and out the door to partake in all the fun this city offers. (A person can only watch so many Law&Order reruns.) Also, I enjoy writing and talking about myself and this offers a creative outlet.... no matter how marginal. Anyhoo...I'll be reporting periodically on my adventures and on my ruminations and rants on life in general. So, if you somehow stumbled upon this blog I hope you, first, get a laugh out of it; and second, I hope it makes you want to visit New Orleans. And if you live here, I hope it makes you want to get out and live life to the fullest in this beautiful city. But you should be doing that wherever you live because life is just too short. (Cliche'd, I know.)

P.S. Excuse any spelling/grammatical errors...not my forte'.

P.P.S. I'm aware that the word "sherbert" in the title is also spelled "sherbet" and that my spelling is possibly considered wrong, but it's also listed in places as the "American" variation. Plus I just liked it spelled that way.