Thursday, December 30, 2010

Loose Ends

I was on vacation and it has come to a didn't go as I envisioned, but nothing ever does. All in all, I'm glad I got to see my mom and it was nice to have the time off but it's time to get back to work. And not just in the conventional "job" sense...I really need to work on myself. I find that lately, more times than not, I'm not happy. I need to remedy this, but, the question remains, how? How do I tie up all the loose ends that are bothering me and get myself on the path to happiness? I guess that deep down I know the answer to this but don't want to face it because the answer is...change. It's much easier to accept the rut that your life has become and continue in that way because it's routine, but, for me, easier isn't better because it has led me to become sedentary, fat, unhealthy, lazy, sluggish, and, drum role please.....miserable. It's funny, because basically all I want is to live a full, active, fun, life. You would think that it would be simple to do, especially in New Orleans, but it seems to elude me. I have to actively change some things in order to make this happen. The first thing will be that I will no longer allow another person to dictate my happiness. It is my own and my responsibility. Anyone who is in a relationship can relate to this, and they also know that no matter what you do, you cannot make another person change. You can only control your own actions, reactions, thoughts, attitude, etc.. So, that's my new "job", to work on me and how I react to others and my environment. And if I remain unhappy, I must move on and try something new because the old just isn't going to work. It's been done to death. I'm going to start filling my time doing the things that I love...writing more, listening to music, reading, learning. And I'd LOVE to be able to say I make a living doing something I love. We went to a show at the House of Blues on Christmas night, it was Trombone Shorty with a chick named Mia Borders opening. Sometimes the opening act gets ignored as people filter in just in time for the main event but, I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised by this one. As I watched this cute, tiny, girl up on the stage singing with her guitar I could only think that she looked like she was having a blast! And why, oh why didn't I ever pursue my dream of being a rock star?? Another lesson for all of us, never give up on what you want because it seems unrealistic. Your life is what you make it and little miracles happen every day. I know that I can't just accept the dull routine. Shake things up. Work at it. Change.....embrace it.

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