It's been said that the formula for weight loss is "Eat less, move more.". I've also heard "Just eat less.". Concise. Simple. And yet, it's never really that simple, is it? I have to think that the people dispensing these little nuggets of wisdom have never faced a weight problem. I'm in my 11th week of Weight Watchers and have lost 13.4 lbs so far, but the bulk of it was lost in the first 6 weeks. And I was feeling incredibly confident during those weeks, maybe even cocky. I was amazed at how easily the weight was falling off! The past 4 weeks? Not so much. My losses have pretty much come to a stand still. I keep telling myself to be happy because I've still lost over 13 lbs and haven't been slowly gaining the weight back. There's something to be said for that! But, truthfully, my parade has been rained on. My sails deprived of wind. And the worst part about it is that I'm the only one to blame. I can't blame it on the fact that April is a busy month here in New Orleans with French Quarter Fest and Jazz Fest. Or the fact that my mom has been in town for over a month. Or that I've had some vacation time. Because, ultimately, it's up to me to make the right choices. This is not to say that I haven't had some great times and awesome meals in the past month, because I did, and that's what life is all about. Even so, I can't help thinking that discipline and restraint would have felt even more awesome. But, c'est la vie....onward and upward....and all that other shit. Even though it's been a slow process I've still lost more that 13 lbs! I'll take it and be happy. What's the hurry, right? I've been fat for so long now that it almost feels normal to me. But not quite. Because there's always that feeling of being a second class citizen when you're fat. You know what certain people are thinking when they look at you. And then there are the people who look through you as if you aren't even there. It has always astounded me that the bigger you get, the more invisible you become. There's also the people who feel free to voice their hateful comments about your size to get a laugh from their friends. And if you're fat, you know that the first thing you do when you're in a crowded room is scan the room to find out if you're the fattest. And you're relieved when you're not. All of these things have happened to me. And they will never feel normal. I want to feel better about myself and better in general. But also because it bothers me that certain people in society presume that they are better than me because I have some weight on me. I know for damn sure that they are not, (The first reason being that I would never try to make someone feel unworthy for something as superficial as weight.) and it bothers me that I let them bother me. But let's be truthful.....we all want to look good and boost our self-esteem. And, hey, if I can extend my life as a result. it's a win-win. So, I will keep plugging away at the slooooooow process of WW because I know it's what I have to do. With all of that being said, New Orleans is known as not being the best place for getting healthy. We're a culture that thrives on good food, booze, music, and socializing. All of that can definitely put the kibosh on your efforts. But that's where the discipline comes in. You have to thwart all of that adult peer pressure and do your own thang. Plus NOLA can be helpful in many ways.....there are plenty of opportunities to dance, second lines to follow, an abundance of outdoor festivals where you can get out and shake it. There are healthy food options if you seek them out, farmers markets, and the horrendous parking situations in parts of the city encourage you to walk or use public transportation (drunkenness encourages that also). I guess what I'm trying to say is that even though I live in a city known for its debauchery and decadence, I know that I can lose weight and get healthy here. It's just going to take effort and that falls on me. So look out bitches, I'm keeping my (double) chin up, staying positive, and I'm gettin' healthy!
******Some highlights of my last month of activities.*******
~Filet mignon @ Manning's with the thin cripsy onion rings that I love.
~Easter Sunday afternoon @ Napoleon's Itch (gay bar)
~Always dinner @ Adolfo's
~The Brass-a-holics set at French Quarter Fest!!!!!
~The chocolate mousse in a "basket" dessert at Crescent City Brewhouse
~Sunday dinner with Mike, Dave, & my mom
~3great days at Jazz Fest - James Andrews killed his set!
~Finally seeing The Stooges Brass Band
~Meeting David Simon (creator of The Wire and Treme).
~The New Orleans Musicians For Obama event.
~Chicken Clemenceau & Leroy Jones @ The Palm Court (with my favorite waiter, Stanley)
~FABULOUS meal at EAT
~Trombone Shorty @ The Mahalia Jackson Theater
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
Sometimes You Just Need To Call A "Do Over"
I haven't had a french fry since February.
I gave up fried foods for the Lenten season, even though I'm not anywhere near to being Catholic, in order to jump start my weight loss efforts. And I've stuck with it. No cheating. Even though I smell fried chicken or onion rings on every breeze that blows through my neighborhood. I can't say I really miss it either, and honestly, the thought of eating fried chicken and french fries makes my stomach hurt. It makes me envision all of that grease clogging my arteries. I'm in my 6th week of Weight Watchers and down nearly 12 pounds. Don't want to toot my own horn but I'm feeling successful. And I want more. I don't feel as sluggish as I used to, I have some spring in my step, and I'm feelin' good. (Well, except for last night when, in celebration of my birthday, my buddy Mike cooked for me and I ate so much glorious food and drank so much white wine that I was in physical pain for the remainder of the night. I wasn't feelin' good then.) I'm also sleeping better and waking up earlier in the morning. Feeling and seeing the results of my efforts makes me want to keep doing what I'm doing. And to even improve on what I'm doing, because the extra spring in my step still hasn't made me want to exercise. I'm lazy and I hate it, but I'm going to have to do it. And soon. I can already see the weight loss slowing down and I don't want to lose my momentum. I'm hoping I didn't do too much damage over the past two days and sabotage this week's weigh in, but I'm not going to let it get me down too much because life happens, and there are going to be celebrations in which you are meant to indulge.
On the subject of indulging, as far as birthday celebrations go, mine was pretty sedate. On Saturday morning I went to breakfast with a friend at Ruby Slipper Cafe. First visit. It's a cute place and was pretty crowded on a Saturday morning. I ordered Eggs Cochon (a large homemade biscuit topped with pulled pork, poached eggs, hollandaise, and fresh chives.) and a double mimosa. Definitely not WW friendly. I was pretty happy with everything except that I would have liked more hollandaise (A dollop sitting on top of each egg just wasn't enough of this decadent sauce!) and I thought 10 bucks for a mimosa served in a wine glass was a bit steep. I would go back though. After breakfast it was off to Walmart to pick up some area rugs to appease the downstairs neighbor (WooHoo, rugs! Happy Birthday to me!) and then to go get some flowers for the empty pots on my balcony. That was it for my actual birthday. No day long bender. No all night partying on Frenchmen Street. I didn't feel like it. On Sunday I woke up early, re-potted my plants, and then Mike came over and we hung out for the afternoon. It may not have been exciting but it was a pleasant way to spend the weekend. I guess I'm saving my energy because my mom and Aunt Renee arrive this Sunday and next week is French Quarter Fest! Now this is the week that I'm worried about when it comes to WW because I know I will be eating out a lot. But we'll be walking and on the go also, so I'm hoping it will all balance out. I've already been perusing the FQF music schedule and club listings and wondering how to be everywhere at once. It will be a great week of family, friends, music, eating, drinking, and festivities in the sun. And above all else, the good times are what matter the most. I want to lose this weight, (and I have a ways to go before I'm where I want to be) but not at the expense of fun times and making memories. I have the rest of my life to do WW, so I'm not going to require perfection of myself. Just effort. Being fat is not fun, but neither is deprivation. So I will enjoy my loved ones while making sure I get some exercise in. And I will not beat myself up over my caloric intake. Because life is meant to be fun and tomorrow always offers a "do over".
I gave up fried foods for the Lenten season, even though I'm not anywhere near to being Catholic, in order to jump start my weight loss efforts. And I've stuck with it. No cheating. Even though I smell fried chicken or onion rings on every breeze that blows through my neighborhood. I can't say I really miss it either, and honestly, the thought of eating fried chicken and french fries makes my stomach hurt. It makes me envision all of that grease clogging my arteries. I'm in my 6th week of Weight Watchers and down nearly 12 pounds. Don't want to toot my own horn but I'm feeling successful. And I want more. I don't feel as sluggish as I used to, I have some spring in my step, and I'm feelin' good. (Well, except for last night when, in celebration of my birthday, my buddy Mike cooked for me and I ate so much glorious food and drank so much white wine that I was in physical pain for the remainder of the night. I wasn't feelin' good then.) I'm also sleeping better and waking up earlier in the morning. Feeling and seeing the results of my efforts makes me want to keep doing what I'm doing. And to even improve on what I'm doing, because the extra spring in my step still hasn't made me want to exercise. I'm lazy and I hate it, but I'm going to have to do it. And soon. I can already see the weight loss slowing down and I don't want to lose my momentum. I'm hoping I didn't do too much damage over the past two days and sabotage this week's weigh in, but I'm not going to let it get me down too much because life happens, and there are going to be celebrations in which you are meant to indulge.
On the subject of indulging, as far as birthday celebrations go, mine was pretty sedate. On Saturday morning I went to breakfast with a friend at Ruby Slipper Cafe. First visit. It's a cute place and was pretty crowded on a Saturday morning. I ordered Eggs Cochon (a large homemade biscuit topped with pulled pork, poached eggs, hollandaise, and fresh chives.) and a double mimosa. Definitely not WW friendly. I was pretty happy with everything except that I would have liked more hollandaise (A dollop sitting on top of each egg just wasn't enough of this decadent sauce!) and I thought 10 bucks for a mimosa served in a wine glass was a bit steep. I would go back though. After breakfast it was off to Walmart to pick up some area rugs to appease the downstairs neighbor (WooHoo, rugs! Happy Birthday to me!) and then to go get some flowers for the empty pots on my balcony. That was it for my actual birthday. No day long bender. No all night partying on Frenchmen Street. I didn't feel like it. On Sunday I woke up early, re-potted my plants, and then Mike came over and we hung out for the afternoon. It may not have been exciting but it was a pleasant way to spend the weekend. I guess I'm saving my energy because my mom and Aunt Renee arrive this Sunday and next week is French Quarter Fest! Now this is the week that I'm worried about when it comes to WW because I know I will be eating out a lot. But we'll be walking and on the go also, so I'm hoping it will all balance out. I've already been perusing the FQF music schedule and club listings and wondering how to be everywhere at once. It will be a great week of family, friends, music, eating, drinking, and festivities in the sun. And above all else, the good times are what matter the most. I want to lose this weight, (and I have a ways to go before I'm where I want to be) but not at the expense of fun times and making memories. I have the rest of my life to do WW, so I'm not going to require perfection of myself. Just effort. Being fat is not fun, but neither is deprivation. So I will enjoy my loved ones while making sure I get some exercise in. And I will not beat myself up over my caloric intake. Because life is meant to be fun and tomorrow always offers a "do over".
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Clinging To Optimism
"It's not opportunity knocking, it's a prankster with a flaming bag of dog shit. Every time." ~ Mike McDermott
When I read those words on facebook the other day they gave me a chuckle, but there was also a sense of truth to them. I welcomed the month of March with a positive attitude and high expectations and, so far, it has just taken a crap on my sunny disposition. My boyfriend's mother passed away after a bout with cancer, and yesterday came the news that someone I went to high school with passed from a heart attack. (The downside of facebook - bad news travels quickly. Sometimes it's nice to be blissfully ignorant.) And, apartment living is really starting to wear on my nerves. Our downstairs neighbor is apparently extremely noise sensitive and our daily need to do such things as......WALKING.....seems to be disruptive to her. *sigh* Christ, I wish I had the money to buy a house. But, some of my life decisions haven't been the smartest, financially, so this is my lot in life. Apartment living and working until I die. Good stuff! Guess I'll be getting Power Ball tickets today.
My mom left over a week ago and it feels strange, the five weeks just flew by! On Mardi Gras day we went to the Zulu Parade with a friend, the first time for all of us. It was interesting because we didn't catch it on the St. Charles Ave. part of the route, we claimed a spot (closer to my street) on Orleans Ave. in the 'hood. One good natured guy commented on how the three of us made it a "diverse" crowd. It was a beautiful day, a fun time, and I got two of the coveted Zulu coconuts. Not bad for my first time. Going to Zulu has been on my "to do" list since moving here and now I can say I've done it. I'm still not sure I understand the attraction to parades, but hey, that's just me. The last few days of her stay were pretty sedate. Spent some time in the Quarter and one day had lunch at Royal Street Deli, a tiny place with an eclectic, funky, colorful atmosphere and fantastic food. The tomato soup was stellar! And my Black & Bleu Steak Salad (baby spinach, steak, bleu cheese crumbles, grapes, red onion, roasted red peppers, with basil balsamic dressing) was so flippin' good. The presentation of my mom's Blackened Ahi Tuna Salad (blackened tuna, spring mix, bean salsa, roasted red pepper, pepper jack cheese, avocado, cilantro lime dressing, & corn tortillas) was amazing and she said it tasted as good as it looked. Totally unexpected meals from a place with "deli" in its name. We will definitely go back. On the Saturday morning that she left, I was sad to see her go. Some people said to me, "Holy shit, your mom is staying with you for FIVE weeks?", but I didn't feel that way at all. Even afterward. Of course, as I said before, it wasn't all smooth sailing. But the good outweighed any small disagreements and I'm counting the days until she comes back. Because, as I'm learning every day, we only have a short time in this life and you should make the time for those who matter most.
Speaking of short life spans.....two days after Mardi Gras I joined Weight Watchers in an effort to prolong mine. It went well, pretty much the same as the previous times I've experienced it. The beginning is always fun because it's new and like a game. I followed it to the letter and looked forward to my first weigh-in because the first one is always around a 4-5 lb loss. A weight-loss bonanza! Then, the day before......I felt the whisperings of PMS. I wanted to scream. My @#$%!##$-ing menstrual cycle was going to steal my "week one" thunder! And it did. I was down 2.6 lbs. But, I'll take it. Rah. Rah. Only 72.4 more to go. WooHoo.
It's incredibly tempting to become a constant cynic, because the aforementioned bags of shit will keep coming. But I'm going to remain upbeat about WW, our living situation, and life, in general, because, honestly, it's all I can do. Everything usually sorts itself out. And being around and cultivating negativity is exhausting. So.....I'm clinging to optimism. For dear life. Especially when it seems most futile.
When I read those words on facebook the other day they gave me a chuckle, but there was also a sense of truth to them. I welcomed the month of March with a positive attitude and high expectations and, so far, it has just taken a crap on my sunny disposition. My boyfriend's mother passed away after a bout with cancer, and yesterday came the news that someone I went to high school with passed from a heart attack. (The downside of facebook - bad news travels quickly. Sometimes it's nice to be blissfully ignorant.) And, apartment living is really starting to wear on my nerves. Our downstairs neighbor is apparently extremely noise sensitive and our daily need to do such things as......WALKING.....seems to be disruptive to her. *sigh* Christ, I wish I had the money to buy a house. But, some of my life decisions haven't been the smartest, financially, so this is my lot in life. Apartment living and working until I die. Good stuff! Guess I'll be getting Power Ball tickets today.
My mom left over a week ago and it feels strange, the five weeks just flew by! On Mardi Gras day we went to the Zulu Parade with a friend, the first time for all of us. It was interesting because we didn't catch it on the St. Charles Ave. part of the route, we claimed a spot (closer to my street) on Orleans Ave. in the 'hood. One good natured guy commented on how the three of us made it a "diverse" crowd. It was a beautiful day, a fun time, and I got two of the coveted Zulu coconuts. Not bad for my first time. Going to Zulu has been on my "to do" list since moving here and now I can say I've done it. I'm still not sure I understand the attraction to parades, but hey, that's just me. The last few days of her stay were pretty sedate. Spent some time in the Quarter and one day had lunch at Royal Street Deli, a tiny place with an eclectic, funky, colorful atmosphere and fantastic food. The tomato soup was stellar! And my Black & Bleu Steak Salad (baby spinach, steak, bleu cheese crumbles, grapes, red onion, roasted red peppers, with basil balsamic dressing) was so flippin' good. The presentation of my mom's Blackened Ahi Tuna Salad (blackened tuna, spring mix, bean salsa, roasted red pepper, pepper jack cheese, avocado, cilantro lime dressing, & corn tortillas) was amazing and she said it tasted as good as it looked. Totally unexpected meals from a place with "deli" in its name. We will definitely go back. On the Saturday morning that she left, I was sad to see her go. Some people said to me, "Holy shit, your mom is staying with you for FIVE weeks?", but I didn't feel that way at all. Even afterward. Of course, as I said before, it wasn't all smooth sailing. But the good outweighed any small disagreements and I'm counting the days until she comes back. Because, as I'm learning every day, we only have a short time in this life and you should make the time for those who matter most.
Speaking of short life spans.....two days after Mardi Gras I joined Weight Watchers in an effort to prolong mine. It went well, pretty much the same as the previous times I've experienced it. The beginning is always fun because it's new and like a game. I followed it to the letter and looked forward to my first weigh-in because the first one is always around a 4-5 lb loss. A weight-loss bonanza! Then, the day before......I felt the whisperings of PMS. I wanted to scream. My @#$%!##$-ing menstrual cycle was going to steal my "week one" thunder! And it did. I was down 2.6 lbs. But, I'll take it. Rah. Rah. Only 72.4 more to go. WooHoo.
It's incredibly tempting to become a constant cynic, because the aforementioned bags of shit will keep coming. But I'm going to remain upbeat about WW, our living situation, and life, in general, because, honestly, it's all I can do. Everything usually sorts itself out. And being around and cultivating negativity is exhausting. So.....I'm clinging to optimism. For dear life. Especially when it seems most futile.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Desperate Measures
I attended a social event a few weeks ago and saw my former self there in the crowd. Her hair was a pixie cut colored white/blonde. She was pretty thin, wearing a black button down shirt dress that fell above the knee, interesting jewelry, and a sassy pair of turquoise cowboy boots. Aside from me never owning a pair of cowboy boots, she was me about 12 years ago. And I haven't been able to remove her image from my mind in the weeks since seeing her. What happened? Where did that "me" disappear to? How did I let it go so far? These are the questions I've been asking myself lately. Because, even though my mind tells me that I haven't changed, I cannot deny the closet full of clothing that no longer fits. Or the occasional shortness of breath. Or that I have developed sleep apnea (and need one of those machines but have neither the health insurance nor the money to get one). Or my sugar addiction. Or the number on the scale. Yes, the dreaded, hateful son of a bitch scale. I finally bought one because no home is complete without that monument to restraint and misery. The resulting number was not good. At all. In fact, it was the worst EVER. I've NEVER envisioned myself at this weight. I know I've been saying for the longest time that I need to get a hold on things and live healthier, but somehow things just kept getting worse and I've now reached the wall. And all joking aside.....I need help. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so, Weight Watchers it is. I will be there bright and early at 8am on Thursday morning for my inaugural weigh in. Let me say here that I'm not new to WW. I've done it a few times when I lived in NJ and tried it in New Orleans also. In New Orleans I'm a bit limited because I don't own a car and rely on friends or public transportation, but I was able to find a location that worked for me. I just couldn't stand the leader. I'll just say that the way that she conducted her meetings was as if we were in a kindergarten class. I just wanted to scream at her, "Lady, we're fat, not stupid!!" Anyhoooo, she wasn't for me. So I tried it online. Also not for me. If I held myself accountable as I should, I wouldn't be in the predicament I am now in. The location I will be attending is a bit out of the way for me but, fortunately, a friend with a car is going to join also and there is a different leader. (Yes, the other leader is still around and, of course, is in the location that would be perfect for me. Truthfully, I am at the point where I would have gone back to her if I absolutely had no choice.) Either way, I'm excited to start and am determined to make it work this time. I take full responsibility for my previous failures with WW. (Skipping the meetings and going for wings and french fries with bleu cheese dressing after weigh in was definitely not part of the program.) I know that it works if you commit to it, and I now have no choice but to do so. A heart attack at 42 is where I'm headed if I don't change things up. And I know I will feel so much better for it.
My mom has been here for a lengthy visit and overall, it's gone pretty smoothly. A few rough spots here and there but that's to be expected when adapting to a different living situation and it will be weird when she leaves this weekend. We've had some great meals out: Crescent City Steakhouse, El Gato Negro, Cafe Degas, The Palm Court, Santa Fe, Buffa's, Port of Call, The Coffe Pot, Jaeger Haus, Liuzza's By The Track, etc.; heard a little music: Leroy Jones, John Boutte', The Brass-a-holics; had some drinks: Napoleon's Itch, dba, Apple Barrell; and just spent time together. All good. I'd like for us to get out to hear more music, so we'll work on that for next time. (Honestly, since I weighed myself I just want to hide in the house, but I refuse to give in to that mentality.) But we still have the remainder of this visit and Tuesday is Mardi Gras so we will be out and about for the next 2 days seeing the sights, hearing the sounds, and getting a lot of walking in. Mardi Gras is definitely not my favorite but I do like the atmosphere and costumes of Mardi Gras day. I wish I could say that I will be doing these things without being/feeling fat and worrying about what I will wear and how it fits, constantly tugging at my clothing, and being disappointed with how I look. But it just isn't so. It's always there in the back of my mind, and will be until I do something about it.
So begins my short countdown to starting WW. My countdown to being healthier. My countdown to fitting into the clothing in my closet. And my countdown to getting reacquainted with my former self. I'm looking forward to it all.
My mom has been here for a lengthy visit and overall, it's gone pretty smoothly. A few rough spots here and there but that's to be expected when adapting to a different living situation and it will be weird when she leaves this weekend. We've had some great meals out: Crescent City Steakhouse, El Gato Negro, Cafe Degas, The Palm Court, Santa Fe, Buffa's, Port of Call, The Coffe Pot, Jaeger Haus, Liuzza's By The Track, etc.; heard a little music: Leroy Jones, John Boutte', The Brass-a-holics; had some drinks: Napoleon's Itch, dba, Apple Barrell; and just spent time together. All good. I'd like for us to get out to hear more music, so we'll work on that for next time. (Honestly, since I weighed myself I just want to hide in the house, but I refuse to give in to that mentality.) But we still have the remainder of this visit and Tuesday is Mardi Gras so we will be out and about for the next 2 days seeing the sights, hearing the sounds, and getting a lot of walking in. Mardi Gras is definitely not my favorite but I do like the atmosphere and costumes of Mardi Gras day. I wish I could say that I will be doing these things without being/feeling fat and worrying about what I will wear and how it fits, constantly tugging at my clothing, and being disappointed with how I look. But it just isn't so. It's always there in the back of my mind, and will be until I do something about it.
So begins my short countdown to starting WW. My countdown to being healthier. My countdown to fitting into the clothing in my closet. And my countdown to getting reacquainted with my former self. I'm looking forward to it all.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Moving Forward
I've been meaning to post for a couple of weeks but just didn't have it in me. I've had some trouble organizing my jumbled thoughts so I don't know exactly what's going to come out here.
My dad passed away on the early afternoon of December 24th. Even though it was expected (in June he was told that he had approximately 6 months to live) the reality and finality of it was/is stunning. And with me living out of state it is taking longer to set in because I don't have a daily reminder of it like my mom does. I never spoke to my dad every day and at times now it seems as if he's still up there and we just haven't talked. Last week I reached for the phone when his beloved Giants were playing the Cowboys for a playoff spot. Football was always one of the things we could talk about. In fact, I knew things were grave when, during my visit, he didn't know who the Giants were playing that Sunday. I'm glad that I visited when I did. Although he was in pain and not very talkative; he was alert, knew I was there, and was able to pull me to him for a surprisingly strong hug. A few days after I left hospice care was initiated. I'm not really sure what I feel about what happens to us after we die, but I do know that he's no longer suffering in this world.
Now I'm going to say a few things about my mom. She handled the last 6 months of 2011 with a grace and resiliance that I find admirable. She was by my dad's side every inch of the way through this ordeal and refused to give up. She believed in his ability to fight this cancer as he did all of his previous ailments and supported him through it all. My parents were married for 42 years. Not all of it was smooth sailing, but my mom stuck it out and saw it through. Not something you see often nowadays when people stay married for 5 minutes, myself included. All credit is due to my mom for keeping it together. Even if I can't say that I would have done the same, there's definitely something to be said for not throwing in the towel and calling it quits.
The events of the past month or so have, of course, made me more aware of my own mortailty and made me assess where I am in life. As it happens, it's the time of year when everyone takes stock of their lives and vows to do better. Happy New Year. While I love this time of year with its optimism and feeling of endless opportunities, I won't be making any resolutions in the traditional sense. There are, however, several areas in my life where there is room for improvement, change, and growth, that I'd like to work on.I would like 2012 to be the year that I........
~Practice compassion regularly.
~Meet more people/make new friends.
~Try my hand at a new profession.
~Experience more live music.
~Put some pep in my step.
~Spend less time on facebook.
~Make an effort to be healthier.
~Spend more time with my mom.
~Stop complaining.
~Try new things.
~Fit into my old clothing.
~Work harder on my relationship.
~Practice patience.
~Make my debt disappear.
~Go to every day of Jazz Fest.
~Experience more joy.
~Am happy and at peace.
There, that should do it for now. And, as always, I'd like to express how fortuante I feel to be able to conduct my life and my self-improvement efforts in New Orleans. There is no other place that I'd rather fall below my own expectations. Right now the city is poised for a stellar 2012, you can just feel it in the air. There was a similar feeling in 2010 after the Saints won their first Super Bowl. We were back, had built up through the years of misery after hurricane Katrina and it felt like there were no limits. We were on a roll! But then there was a little incident involving a company called BP that rained on our parade and knocked us back down. But we've worked, yet again, to pick it up and put the city on top. The Saints are doing well again, we host the Super Bowl next year, and hopefully the time in between will be filled with tourism and prosperity. Yes, we have the problems that plague most inner cities, but I can guarantee you that there is nowhere like New Orleans in the US. The music, the food, the people, the architecture, the atmosphere, the colors, the smells, the history, the decaying beauty..........ALL one of a kind. If you haven't been here, you should come. Just once. New Orleans is a gem. And who knows? You might end up loving it like I do. I know I wouldn't want to move forward anywhere else.
My dad passed away on the early afternoon of December 24th. Even though it was expected (in June he was told that he had approximately 6 months to live) the reality and finality of it was/is stunning. And with me living out of state it is taking longer to set in because I don't have a daily reminder of it like my mom does. I never spoke to my dad every day and at times now it seems as if he's still up there and we just haven't talked. Last week I reached for the phone when his beloved Giants were playing the Cowboys for a playoff spot. Football was always one of the things we could talk about. In fact, I knew things were grave when, during my visit, he didn't know who the Giants were playing that Sunday. I'm glad that I visited when I did. Although he was in pain and not very talkative; he was alert, knew I was there, and was able to pull me to him for a surprisingly strong hug. A few days after I left hospice care was initiated. I'm not really sure what I feel about what happens to us after we die, but I do know that he's no longer suffering in this world.
Now I'm going to say a few things about my mom. She handled the last 6 months of 2011 with a grace and resiliance that I find admirable. She was by my dad's side every inch of the way through this ordeal and refused to give up. She believed in his ability to fight this cancer as he did all of his previous ailments and supported him through it all. My parents were married for 42 years. Not all of it was smooth sailing, but my mom stuck it out and saw it through. Not something you see often nowadays when people stay married for 5 minutes, myself included. All credit is due to my mom for keeping it together. Even if I can't say that I would have done the same, there's definitely something to be said for not throwing in the towel and calling it quits.
The events of the past month or so have, of course, made me more aware of my own mortailty and made me assess where I am in life. As it happens, it's the time of year when everyone takes stock of their lives and vows to do better. Happy New Year. While I love this time of year with its optimism and feeling of endless opportunities, I won't be making any resolutions in the traditional sense. There are, however, several areas in my life where there is room for improvement, change, and growth, that I'd like to work on.I would like 2012 to be the year that I........
~Practice compassion regularly.
~Meet more people/make new friends.
~Try my hand at a new profession.
~Experience more live music.
~Put some pep in my step.
~Spend less time on facebook.
~Make an effort to be healthier.
~Spend more time with my mom.
~Stop complaining.
~Try new things.
~Fit into my old clothing.
~Work harder on my relationship.
~Practice patience.
~Make my debt disappear.
~Go to every day of Jazz Fest.
~Experience more joy.
~Am happy and at peace.
There, that should do it for now. And, as always, I'd like to express how fortuante I feel to be able to conduct my life and my self-improvement efforts in New Orleans. There is no other place that I'd rather fall below my own expectations. Right now the city is poised for a stellar 2012, you can just feel it in the air. There was a similar feeling in 2010 after the Saints won their first Super Bowl. We were back, had built up through the years of misery after hurricane Katrina and it felt like there were no limits. We were on a roll! But then there was a little incident involving a company called BP that rained on our parade and knocked us back down. But we've worked, yet again, to pick it up and put the city on top. The Saints are doing well again, we host the Super Bowl next year, and hopefully the time in between will be filled with tourism and prosperity. Yes, we have the problems that plague most inner cities, but I can guarantee you that there is nowhere like New Orleans in the US. The music, the food, the people, the architecture, the atmosphere, the colors, the smells, the history, the decaying beauty..........ALL one of a kind. If you haven't been here, you should come. Just once. New Orleans is a gem. And who knows? You might end up loving it like I do. I know I wouldn't want to move forward anywhere else.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Coming to Realizations
Tomorrow morning I am flying out to NJ to visit my ailing father and, I'm not going to lie, I'm scared. He's dying. And there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it. I've never been in this position before and I don't know what to do or say that will be of help or comfort when I get there. I do know that I don't feel old enough for this to be happening. I watch my mom (from a distance) dealing with all of the details that go along with a terminal illness and I realize how ill-equipped I am to do the same if it fell upon me. I mean, come on, your parents deal with that stuff, right? And then I also realize that I am an only child and that that responsibility could very possibly become mine. The thought is positively overwhelming. How do people know which arrangements to make? How do they learn this stuff? I guess I better find out because I have also realized that more and more people I know are dying. When did I join this group? When did I become THAT age? I honestly still see myself as I was in my early 30s! (Quite a bit of denial is involved here but nevertheless, that's how I feel.) The reality sandwich I've been chewing on isn't going down easily........I'm aging. And it's not going to stop. And the people I love and admire are not going to be here forever. It's a hard sandwich to swallow. And it's hard not to dwell on it when you realize that your time is coming......relatively soon. In my teens and 20s I didn't give this shit a thought. But now it's keeping me up at night. And I realize that I truly need to do more to ensure that the remainder of my life is full of joy. I need to learn from my father's awful experience and start to treat myself and my body with respect. And realize that I've been perpetuating the unhealthy habits that we originate from. I see my father's suffering and I wish I could take it away. As I watch what my mom is going through, suffering alongside my dad, it breaks my heart. And I see that if I keep up the way I've been going, my fate could be similar. I don't want that. I want to be able to go out and hear music and dance when I'm 80, if it suits me. I want to be able to participate in life in my old age and not give in to stereotypes of aging. I want that opportunity. I realize that now.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
How Stacy Possibly Found Her Groove
Just made one of my favorite annual purchases - a new calendar book for next year. (One with an audacious red cover, because that's the kind of year I plan on having.) I love the clean slate and the possibilities that this simple book represents. Mapping out my favorite festivals and the birthdays of my favorite people. Planning vacation/staycation time, casual get-togethers, or just a night out. Nowadays, most people prefer to use their smartphones, or whatever current gadget is trending, to do these things. Not me. I love seeing the written words on the page, filling in the spots on my "dance card". I actually enjoy scheduling and planning. And with a book, at year's end, you have a physical record of everything you've done.....good, bad, busy, or not.
Last week, for me, happened to be busy. I had five straight days of social obligations with friends in town. A great time was had by all and I wouldn't have had it any other way, but I was reminded of the stamina that is sometimes required to "hang" in this city. It can wear you out, especially if you're out of practice. The festivities began, as mentioned in my previous post, at Harry's Corner. When I entered the bar at 3 on a Monday afternoon there were two old guys, a woman on the other side of middle age, the bar tender, and me. I wasn't exactly enthused about drinking - I've come to a point where I REALLY have to be in the mood for it, and I wasn't. But I grabbed a seat at one of the few tables, determined to make the best of it. And that, we did. Fran and John arrived from Canada, other friends joined us, and I'd say I rolled in bed right around midnight. Drunk, smelling like smoke, and having to work on Tuesday.
After plugging through the day, we had Fran and John over for dinner on Tuesday evening. This was "spur of the drunken moment", as during the previous night's libations (sans dinner) Fran drunkenly indicated that she HAD to have red beans & rice and Lester drunkenly volunteered to make them for her. Thus, an evening was born. A very nice evening, indeed. Lester made the promised red beans along with some fried chicken that was just on point. Great food and great company. And we all chose to abstain from alcohol.
Wednesday it was back to work, where I anticipated the arrival of my old friend Becca, from my NJ hometown, for her first visit to our fair city. Her visit was short and I loosely planned a variety of things to give her a nice sampling of what the city has to offer. So, after fetching her from the airport we headed straight to Port of Call for burgers and monsoons. And even though we agreed on an early night, we stopped at the Balcony Music Club to catch a few songs by the Deja Vu Brass Band.
Thursday we were up and at 'em. Cafe du Monde for beignets & cafe au lait, a stop by the river, some souvenir shopping, a quick jaunt through the French Market, then lunch at El Gato Negro. I absolutely love El Gato Negro and can't say enough about the freshness of the food and margaritas! After cheesy nachos with chorizo, refried beans, & sauteed peppers and onions; filet mignon tacos; and fresh raspberry margaritas; it was time for a nap. By 8pm we were refreshed and ready to head to Vaughn's for trumpet player Kermit Ruffins. I hadn't been to Vaughn's for some time but it hasn't changed and still got as crowded as ever. When we tired of the crowd, we left for Mimi's in the Marigny for Gal Holiday and the Honky Tonk Revue. Gal Holiday has a stellar voice and Mimi's offers a much more chill atmosphere that includes music, booze and tapas. I am in love with their Mushroom Manchego Toast (mushrooms sauteed in sherry wine, butter, garlic & a bit of cream, served on bread topped w/ melted manchego cheese) and have tried numerous times to duplicate it at home, to no avail. Relatively early to bed again.
Friday we toured our neighborhood while walking the dogs, had roast beef po' boys and cocktails at Liuzza's By the Track, lounged around the house, hit Three Muses for happy hour with singer Debbie Davis and tapas (the brushetta of the day involving pesto, corn, ricotta, tomatoes, & balsamic glaze; and the meyer lemon chicken were terrific!) and, finally, The Spotted Cat for cocktails and Cassidy & the New Orleans Kids.
An incredibly pleasant five days catching up with friends. And we were lucky.....everything we experienced was lovely. Nothing at all to complain about and I felt as if my mission to give a quick, but thorough, glimpse of the city was accomplished.
Which brings us back to calendars, plans, and schedules......I LOVE planning ways to spend time in New Orleans. I need to find a way to make a living doing it and am going to research it. It could actually be possible for me to LOVE my job.
Maybe I found my groove.
So.........know anyone coming to New Orleans?
Last week, for me, happened to be busy. I had five straight days of social obligations with friends in town. A great time was had by all and I wouldn't have had it any other way, but I was reminded of the stamina that is sometimes required to "hang" in this city. It can wear you out, especially if you're out of practice. The festivities began, as mentioned in my previous post, at Harry's Corner. When I entered the bar at 3 on a Monday afternoon there were two old guys, a woman on the other side of middle age, the bar tender, and me. I wasn't exactly enthused about drinking - I've come to a point where I REALLY have to be in the mood for it, and I wasn't. But I grabbed a seat at one of the few tables, determined to make the best of it. And that, we did. Fran and John arrived from Canada, other friends joined us, and I'd say I rolled in bed right around midnight. Drunk, smelling like smoke, and having to work on Tuesday.
After plugging through the day, we had Fran and John over for dinner on Tuesday evening. This was "spur of the drunken moment", as during the previous night's libations (sans dinner) Fran drunkenly indicated that she HAD to have red beans & rice and Lester drunkenly volunteered to make them for her. Thus, an evening was born. A very nice evening, indeed. Lester made the promised red beans along with some fried chicken that was just on point. Great food and great company. And we all chose to abstain from alcohol.
Wednesday it was back to work, where I anticipated the arrival of my old friend Becca, from my NJ hometown, for her first visit to our fair city. Her visit was short and I loosely planned a variety of things to give her a nice sampling of what the city has to offer. So, after fetching her from the airport we headed straight to Port of Call for burgers and monsoons. And even though we agreed on an early night, we stopped at the Balcony Music Club to catch a few songs by the Deja Vu Brass Band.
Thursday we were up and at 'em. Cafe du Monde for beignets & cafe au lait, a stop by the river, some souvenir shopping, a quick jaunt through the French Market, then lunch at El Gato Negro. I absolutely love El Gato Negro and can't say enough about the freshness of the food and margaritas! After cheesy nachos with chorizo, refried beans, & sauteed peppers and onions; filet mignon tacos; and fresh raspberry margaritas; it was time for a nap. By 8pm we were refreshed and ready to head to Vaughn's for trumpet player Kermit Ruffins. I hadn't been to Vaughn's for some time but it hasn't changed and still got as crowded as ever. When we tired of the crowd, we left for Mimi's in the Marigny for Gal Holiday and the Honky Tonk Revue. Gal Holiday has a stellar voice and Mimi's offers a much more chill atmosphere that includes music, booze and tapas. I am in love with their Mushroom Manchego Toast (mushrooms sauteed in sherry wine, butter, garlic & a bit of cream, served on bread topped w/ melted manchego cheese) and have tried numerous times to duplicate it at home, to no avail. Relatively early to bed again.
Friday we toured our neighborhood while walking the dogs, had roast beef po' boys and cocktails at Liuzza's By the Track, lounged around the house, hit Three Muses for happy hour with singer Debbie Davis and tapas (the brushetta of the day involving pesto, corn, ricotta, tomatoes, & balsamic glaze; and the meyer lemon chicken were terrific!) and, finally, The Spotted Cat for cocktails and Cassidy & the New Orleans Kids.
An incredibly pleasant five days catching up with friends. And we were lucky.....everything we experienced was lovely. Nothing at all to complain about and I felt as if my mission to give a quick, but thorough, glimpse of the city was accomplished.
Which brings us back to calendars, plans, and schedules......I LOVE planning ways to spend time in New Orleans. I need to find a way to make a living doing it and am going to research it. It could actually be possible for me to LOVE my job.
Maybe I found my groove.
So.........know anyone coming to New Orleans?
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