Here We Go Again

The packing has commenced. We are moving again at the end of this month and this time I know we are settling in for a while. How do I know this, you ask? I know because we are moving into the apartment I moved out of 2 1/2 years ago. I lived there for 6 1/2 years; I know the apartment, the neighborhood, and the landlady. And I'm very happy to be moving back! Well, then why did you leave in the first place, you ask? I only left this apartment because my roommate (Mike) and I had decided to go our seperate ways, he found a new place very quickly and moved out. I would have stayed but thought the place was too large for one person and didn't want to pay the rent by myself. Didn't know anyone looking for a roommate and didn't want to live with a stranger. Decided to look for something smaller and cheaper. In the process of doing so, I met my boyfriend. Had I known we would end up staying together I would have stayed right where I was. But, you know what they say about hindsight. There are definitely things I will miss about living in The Quarter, a 5 minute bike ride to work being the main one. The decaying beauty and gorgeous colors being another. But I'll just go back to taking the bus and will have the beauty of live oaks sheltering my street to look at. The Quarter is where most tourist activity takes place but there's plenty to do in my MidCity neighborhood too. It is home to Jazz Fest every year. Also the Bayou Boogaloo and VooDoo Fest. The NO Museum of Art, City Park, and Bayou St. John. Lots of neighborhood bars and restaurants: Crescent City Steaks (old school steakhouse), Lola's (paella!), Santa Fe (incredibly strong margaritas), Cafe Degas (fabulous, quirky atmosphere), Liuzza's By The Track (neighborhood characters), Pal's Lounge (corner bar, kinda hipster-ish), Parkway Tavern (the BEST roast beef po' boy!). There two grocery stores, Terranova's (housemade Italian sausage) and Canseco's; two coffee shops, CC's and Fair Grinds; a wine shop, a small spa called Lux, a pharmacy, and our dogs' vet. All of this is in walking/biking distance of our place, so I'm not going to feel as if I'm missing out on anything. And without the constant tourist vibe, these places offer a more authentic New Orleans neighborhood experience. I've had some good experiences and met some really great people in both of the places that we've lived in the last 2 1/2 years. Took some chances, learned some lessons, but now I feel as if we're going home. I can't wait to have a cocktail on the balcony by our oak tree.

Happiness and excitement aside, I am not fond of moving. The packing.......oy, what a pain in the ass. Finding boxes, taping them together, wrapping all of your breakables in newspaper, newsprint on hands, face arms. Tedious. And the financial aspect: renting a truck, taking off from work, coming up with the fucking security deposit when work is dead and no money is being made.....let's just say that my stress levels have been through the roof. I'm not a last minute kind of gal. I plan ahead and prepare and am ready for everything ahead of time. When I can't do so, I feel helpless. I know that things usually work out in the end and I'm trying my best to look ahead to when the move will be over, but I'm just not wired that way. I worry (thanks, mom) when things are unsure. And furthermore, the stress of the past two months has translated into weight gain for me. Something I definitely didn't need. I guess I am an emotional eater. Whether celebrating or lamenting, food makes things better. Not a good way to be. I've never looked at food as a required fuel for my body, but always as pleasure. (Well, maybe there was a time in high school when eating wasn't very important.) Anyway, when I went to put on a fresh pair of jeans the other day, they were uncomfortably tight. And I know the dryer didn't shrink them. I could feel myself expanding slightly, certain shirts were snug in places that they weren't before, but it's amazing how easy it is to ignore such things. The jeans woke me up though. There is nothing more uncomfortable than stuffing yourself into a pair of too-tight jeans (10 lbs of shit into a 5 lb bag). Have to get control over my eating/weight. I'm actually toying with the idea of joining Weight Watchers again but I'm less than enthused about the leader at the location that is convenient for me. Ok, I was a member before and quit because I couldn't stand her. But I might have to give it another shot.

So, here we go again. Packing and moving again. Jumping back in the weight loss saddle again. Grateful for the opportunities for a fresh start. Hoping for progress and smooth transitions. Looking forward to getting settled and getting out to have some fun.

Where Does The Time Go?

It's been a minute since my last post and it will always amaze me how we can allow ourselves to be consumed by worry and stress while letting life pass us by. No matter how I try to roll with the punches, some things just find a way to get under my skin and I hate that I let it happen. This time it was our living situation. First, let me say that I love the location of our apartment. The French Quarter is a glorious place and, let's be honest, being able to get to work in less than 5 minutes is a wonderful thing. But living here is not for the faint of heart. Although beautiful, the buildings are OLD. Which translates to old plumbing and electrical systems, and no insulation. It can also translate to decay - leaks, loose bricks, cracks, holes, etc. The Quarter is also full of mice and roaches who find ways into your home through the aforementioned cracks and holes. Then there are the tourists, who keep our fair city going - God love them, but who may also leave you an unexpected "gift" on your porch or sidewalk after too much to drink. In the past year this has been our experience. Our list of issues with our crumbling building has been long, and the landlords less than responsive. It starts to wear you down after a while. Then there is the fact that we have had a roommate for the past 11 months, which turned out to be a less than ideal situation after being used to our privacy and can put a strain on your relationship. So, what has consumed me for the past month is the transition into change. A parting of ways with our roommate and possibly our apartment, and wanting it to be done amicably. At the present time, part of the situation has resolved itself. Bryan had absolutely no problem finding a friend to go in on a place with and will be moving at the end of the month. We, however, have not been able to find anything in the area where I want to live. Anytime I find something, a crowd of people has gotten there before me. But if we have to stay here, it's OK. Because even though all of the needed repairs and the landlords can be extremely frustrating and annoying, somehow being in the French Quarter makes it tolerable. It just makes it all better. Early in the morning, when the streets are deserted and still wet from being cleaned; the air is cool, the colors are vivid, and you may hear the steam whistle of a riverboat, and I can't imagine that there is a more beautiful place in the world. Letting things go and enjoying your life and your surroundings is the way to go. Doing this isn't always easy, sometimes it's easier to let the fact that you still haven't finished that class you've been working on for way too long cause you to have a panic attack. Or to feel the steam coming out of your ears when you have to call the landlord a fourth time about your shitty air conditioner. But all of the stress doesn't help anything.....it's only harmful.

And I'm letting it all go.

I did have some moments of fun in my month of absentia. I went to a fundraiser at Three Muses for Animal Helper, the organization that rescued Pancho. Really nice time! And I can say that Three Muses is a great pleasure when less crowded. But the biggest fun of the past month was a visit from my best friend, Liz. A great time was had by all! We ended up having to stay in a hotel because of the excessive heat and our crappy air conditioner, but it felt like a little vacation for me and was a nice change from daily life. So I'll give a shout-out to The Lamothe House - a pleasant surprise with a pool, a nice breakfast variety (Mmmm.....doughnut), and a bangin' air conditioner. Some of our activities that weekend:

~ Our first food stop was Mother's. Mother's does an incredible tourist business, there's always a line down the street to get in. And I don't quite understand why. On previous visits I was disappointed, but Liz wanted a particular sammich from there so, what the hell. This time I chose to get the "Debris" Po' Boy. Debris is basically shredded roast beef and has the potential to be delicious. This was bland and watery. Some gravy might spruce it up.

~ Checked out The Insectarium (mainly for the air conditioning)

~ Hit some bars: Fahy's, Evelyn's Place, Apple Barrel, Cafe Negril, Spotted Cat, Napoleon's Itch, Johnny White's and Tujague's

~ People watched at the Satchmo Club Strut

~ Ate well: Adolfo's - fabulous, as usual; Port of Call - ditto; Coop's - why did I stay away so long? Great food, strong drinks; Buffa's - first time for Sunday brunch - loved it! Biscuits and gravy - YUM! Will definitely go back; Marigny Brasserie - tasty comfort food

~ Followed a second line down Esplanade

~ Sifted through the junk shops on Decatur St.

~ A Sunday afternoon at Satchmo Fest listening to New Birth Brass Band, Hot 8 Brass Band, Glen David Andrews; dodging thunderstorms and sampling some food (banana Nutella crepe)

Just a busy, fun weekend with friends and I was sad to see it end. I wish we weren't so far apart and could do it more often. Just the thing to take your mind off of life's daily trials.

Now, if I could just get that air conditioner fixed........

Taking The Good With The Bad

I have become disillusioned with technology. (She says as she types her blog on a laptop.) All kidding aside, I'm tired of it. Problems with laptops, problems with my iPod, problems with facebook. Who needs the stress? We spend hundreds of dollars on gadgets only to be angry and frustrated when they break down a week after the warranty expires, and then have to spend hundreds more to fix or replace them. Now, I will admit that I'm technologically challenged and short on patience but it just isn't fun anymore when you find yourself muttering "serenity now" over and over while restraining yourself from smashing a costly piece of equipment to pieces. It's also not fun when some crazy-ass from your hometown creates a bunch of fake facebook profiles, includes your picture on them, and you get a message from the police. WTF??!!? I'm not going to go into details and I'm not going to dwell on it, but I will say that this is a person with way too much time on their hands. Deriving joy from causing problems for others.....very sad. And not good for your karmic score either.

I was a latecomer to the facebook party and although I have enjoyed re-connecting with people I haven't seen in years, enjoy using it to communicate easily with loved ones, and find it to be a nifty networking tool; it can also be a mindless, numbing, time-suck. I mean, I have facebook on my phone. Why?? While I'm at work do I need to let everyone know that I don't feel like being there? Is there a pressing need to know, in an instant, that a friend is sitting in front of the tube with a bowl of Lucky Charms watching  CSI: Miami  re-runs? Or that another friend's kid finally pooped in the toilet? Not to trivialize anyone's important news, but the answer is no, I don't need this information in the palm of my hand. With that being said, I am on hiatus from facebook and will only post blog updates. I will also post any earth shattering news I may have. Like, say, if Derek Jeter shows up at my door and asks me to marry him. Or, I come into some money and I'm packing my shit and taking off for Bali. Now, some may ask themselves, "Well, what's the difference between writing a blog and posting on facebook?", and surely, you jest! I started this blog because I like to write and wanted to use it to hone what little skill I may have for writing. And maybe if I practice enough I could someday be paid for writing. (Cue the sound of harps playing while I sigh dreamily and look off into the distance.)

Moving on.....my health challenge this week. In a word: shitty. Cut out sweets? Nope. Exercise? Nope, again. I'm an emotional eater and emotions were running high for me this week. I haven't been parking myself at all you can eat buffets or gorging myself on mozzarella sticks, but I did let the vegetables slip away. There were also alcoholic beverages involved. (Not too many, I can't take the hangover.) I'm not giving up, though. And I forgive myself because, after receiving some sad news, I needed to get out of the house and be around people for a bit. I didn't want to be alone. Here's what transpired (pretty tame, but social, at least):

On Friday afternoon I headed down the street to Fahy's Irish Pub for a few cocktails. I don't go in there often and I don't know why. I like the woman who owns the place (Katy) and it's close. Nothing fancy, it feels like you're sitting in someone's rec room with the drop-ceiling and pool table. Lots of neighbors bring their dogs and I love it, but then I start to feel bad for the dogs because there's so much smoke. Spent a couple of hours there (Katy told me to come back more often, maybe I will.) and then biked over to Mona Lisa on Royal St. for dinner with Mike. We started with their brushetta. I LOVE IT and was craving it. It tastes of balsamic vinegar and seems very simple. I'm going to try to duplicate it this weekend. I then had a moderate portion of spaghetti bolognese (very tasty) and capped that off with a very fine cannoli. Probably the best I've had in New Orleans. (And, yes, I'm aware that I f'd up my no sugar challenge just hours after I posted it.) I was satisfied to call it a night after that meal. After two days of doing nothing but procrastinating, I ventured out again on Sunday evening. I was in the mood for some music but had to eat before cocktails. I decided on The Copper Monkey for their steak quesadilla, which is as I believe a quesadilla should be: chunks of rib eye steak and cheese between tortilla. No raw onion, no raw tomato, no cilantro. Just perfect beefy, cheesy goodness. Jalapenos, sour cream, and salsa on the side. Amen. They also make a good (read strong) cocktail. The Boyfriend met me there and I convinced him to go hear some music with me even though he wanted to go to bed. Good guy. (Well, really, he didn't want me out gallivanting by myself.) We went to Maison on Frenchmen St. for a little funk from Margie Perez and her band. Not a large crowd but a good showing and I can't think of a better way to spend a Sunday night than with great music, food, and cocktails.

Need to make the good things happen more often and stop letting stress get the best of us.

Here's hoping for a better week.

One Thing At A Time

Week two of my challenge is done and I did ok again, but I have to do better. I'm still good with portion control and avoiding deep fried foods but I need to cut the sweets and amp up the exercise. Don't get me wrong, I'm still happy with my progress and I'm sticking with it, I'm just admitting that there is room for improvement. Being premenstrual is never good for the female diet and that's probably why I wanted more sweets this week but, no excuses. I'm the one who controls what I put in my mouth. I didn't go haywire or anything but it was enough that I noticed.

Another thing that I was able to confirm about myself....adult beverages lead to "bad" eating. I went to see Steve Earle at the House Of Blues on Monday night, had three drinks and, after the show when I was hungry, had no problem ordering a cheesesteak. Without the buzz I know I would not have ordered that sandwich. Again, I didn't go haywire, I hadn't really eaten much on that day, but it shouldn't have happened. The show was awesome, by the way. Such a talented guy in so many ways. AND he and his band donated their whole fee from the show to the New Orleans Musicians Clinic. A stand-up guy, to boot. The cheesesteak was awesome too. Mr. Chubby's (appropriate name) has the best cheesesteak in New Orleans, in my humble opinion.

Anyway, this week I'm issuing myself a challenge within the challenge. NO SWEETS. Starting today. Cutting the deep fried stuff has worked for me. I don't miss it and, truthfully, the thought of it makes my stomach hurt. I need to do the same with sugar and get myself to where having a treat doesn't make me want one EVERY day. Discipline is the key, I guess.

So, that's where I am. Not flawless, but not a failure either. I'm not really noticing any weight loss and that is disappointing but maybe I will after cutting out the small doses of sugar every day. And maybe after I tackle  sugar this week, exercise will be next on list.

One thing at a time.

Like Nina Simone Said, I'm "Feelin' Good"

I've made it through the first week of my challenge and I'm happy with my progress so far. In fact, I'm enthused about it. And it hasn't really seemed all that painful. Honestly, I think my body was pretty much craving this after being pushed to its limit of laziness and crappy eating. Again, I'm not going to use this forum to journal everything I put in my mouth and every calorie I burn, but I do want to hold myself accountable for my shortfalls. And do some bragging too, of course. So, lets get to those guidelines I came with up this week........

I'd have to say that, by far, the area I most excelled in was portion control. And I'm proud of that since it was my biggest problem area. I even actually stopped eating when I was full and ate when I was hungry. Imagine that. What a concept!

Other high points: I had nothing too cheesy, just sprinkles here and there. Ordered no take-out. Drank water. Cooked at home with produce. Had no alcohol. I minimized my beef and pork intake. [The only beef I had was in the two Lean Cuisines I ate (and we know how stingy they are with beef) and the 2 braised short ribs I had at work (I know, I tried to avoid it, but I was starving!). The short ribs were a big mistake - they tore up my stomach, lesson learned. The only pork I had was the questionable bits on an individual pizza.]

Lower points (but not horrible): Full disclosure.....I ate something deep fried. BUT, it was only 3 of my boyfriend's french fries (and they didn't even taste good to me). HE ordered take-out last night and I will say I was proud of my restraint. Usually I would have given in, said "what the hell" and ordered something for myself. But I didn't. Yay me! Exercise was another non-perfect area but I did more than usual. The same goes for sugar, I had one small treat a day but far less than I'd been eating (usually a pint of ice cream and sometimes snacks at work). And I probably had too many diet sodas. I can live with that.

I'm staying positive, and I'm going to keep up the momentum. I'm feeling more energy and a spring in my step after just one week. But let's be honest (and superficial) here, I want to see some weight loss too. I mentioned before that I don't own a scale, and that's probably a good thing. I think I'll stick with that policy and just go by the feel of my clothing. Too many times I've let that number define me and make me feel like a failure. Not this time. Healthier all around - mind and body. In 4 more weeks my BFF will be here. I want to be in top form for having fun and shakin' my thang without feeling like my clothes fit like sausage casing or that I need to go take a nap. I want to feel good about myself. That's what it's all about. Feelin' good.

On A Roll

Day four of my challenge is coming to a close and I'm feeling good about it. Still not perfect but that's ok. There has been improvement and that's all I can ask of myself.

I stayed pretty close to home this first weekend in order to avoid food and beverage temptations and, to tell the truth, since my visit to NJ, money has been a bit tight so frivolity must be sacrificed for the time being. But I did get out to do some walking and on Sunday afternoon I strolled over to the French Market to check out the produce to see what kind of vegetables I could incorporate into our dinner that evening. I was sadly disappointed. Only 2 or 3 vendors had produce and it was mostly fruit. I did see some red peppers but they were so puckered and old looking that I couldn't believe they were on display. I really thought that the French Market had lots of local produce and other local food products and spices. Nope. And I was sorry to see that a lot of the stuff there is the same stuff being sold in the gift shops around the city. Going to have to look into other farmer's markets. Anyway, from the Market I walked over to the grocery and picked up the ingredients for turkey chili. Simple and tasty. It's been so HOT here that spending extended periods over a stove is not an option. And forget about the oven. Simple is definitely key. Although, an upside to the heat is I've been sweating like an animal on my walks - I'll take any kind of loss, even if it's water weight.

Now I have another guideline I'd like to discuss:

17)  7 to 8 hours of sleep a night, not 12 to 14. Sleep. I love sleep. But I do it poorly. A lot of times I have trouble falling asleep, then when I do it's not so great either. My sleep is disturbed several times a night, whether it's to go to the can or something else wakes me. In addition to all the weight I've gained, I've also gained a case of sleep apnea. Never officially diagnosed but it is what it is. Lack of health insurance prevents me from going and getting one of those fancy breathing machines. Anyway, every person I know of who has one never uses it. I'm hoping some weight loss will right the situation and I'll be better rested.

So, not a very exciting holiday weekend to report on but I'm happy with it and I'm in a good place to start my work week tomorrow.

Hope you had a great 4th, y'all!

One Down, Thirty To Go

Day one was a success. At least according to my standards. Not perfect, but a helluva lot better than usual. I know, I know, day one is always great because you are so enthused about your new beginnings. But progress is progress, large or small. I'm not going to list every morsel I put into my mouth on here, though I will say that I did incorporate fruit and vegetables into my menu and controlled my portions. I also did my thirty minutes of walking. I did not, however, limit myself to one diet soda. And I also had a cupcake. A fabulous coconut cupcake from the coffee shop where Mike works. And it was delicious. So, there it is. But you know what? For the first time I'm not going to focus on the imperfections and ignore all of the positive aspects of my day. There was a time when I would have eaten that cupcake and then said "screw it, I might as well eat what I want for the rest of the day and start again tomorrow". I'm not doing that. That way of thinking is why I'm fat. One cupcake should not ruin your whole day. I ate it and then for dinner I had a Lean Cuisine. End of story.

I also have a few more guidelines to add:

14) Avoid the cafeteria at work. I think that everyone can agree that free food provided where you work is pretty great. And generous. But here's the thing, at my job it is served buffet-style. There are hot choices, a salad bar, a soup, and deli meats & cheeses with rolls and bread. A buffet is not the best situation for me because of my portion control issue and because even if there are healthy options available, I will choose the unhealthy option while berating myself for the rest of the night after. And since I have an aversion to raw vegetables, the salad bar is lost on me. Better to just eat before I get to work or bring something along.

15) No eating after 10pm.  My work hours are from 2-8pm and for the longest time I have let this dictate my eating schedule. I also like to sometimes cook and eat dinner with my boyfriend. Both result in eating a lot of late dinners. To be fair, I don't eat and go right to bed because I stay up late, but what I've been doing so far hasn't been working. Time for something new.

16) Eat when I'm physically hungry, not when I think I should.  I don't know how many millions of times I've said or heard the phrase "it's lunch/dinner time, let's eat." And I would eat. Even if I wasn't really hungry. Because it was "time". Listening to your body is the way to go.

Making healthier choices isn't always going to be fun, but feeling bad about yourself because you're fat isn't fun either. I wish I was one of those girls who can say, "I'M FAT AND FABULOUS", but I'm not. I believe I'm now ready to do what needs to be done in order for me to regain my self-confidence.

I will go to bed tonight feeling good about my day. I will also probably go to bed feeling hungry.